Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
