is your mom at the bar?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
