where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
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Whats the glycemic index on semen?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
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Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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