I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
