her vagine was all disorganized.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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