Can i not drive my cunt home
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
