a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
