based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
