Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
