just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
