A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
