I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
