So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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