i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
