No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
