Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
