True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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