are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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