Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
