Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
