And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
