I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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