I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
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you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
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Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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