I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
