I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
