Barsexuality is the new black.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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