ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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