I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
