Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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