i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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