I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
