Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
