Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
