He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
