I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
