just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
