JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
