I can't breathe out the right side of my face
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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