Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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