My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
