There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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