1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
