today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
