"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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