Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
