I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
