my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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