Rock
Scissors
Fuck
barbara walters just said penis...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
