I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
