he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
