before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Watching her eat just hurts me
NoShamevember. You game?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
