It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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