haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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