And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have fence marks all over my body
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
