Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
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She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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