No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
