Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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