you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
