Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
