so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
