the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
