Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
