..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
