just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
