I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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