Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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