So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize