I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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