The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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