Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this boner is exhausting
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
