he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
All the doctor said was why
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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