apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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