So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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