I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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